So i came across this song. And it peaked my interest so i’ve decided to blog about it.
Here are the lyrics: 

Song: Topics
Artist: Nevertheless
Album: In The Making… 

She spent the night out with a guy who gives attention when she cries herself to sleep, I heard her say…
And so she gives him what he wants as long as he can make her feel okay, but she’s not okay

And we avoid the topics, we make the kids have secrets
When they are exposed and everyone else knows
We’ll say we never knew it, that they had a problem
‘Cause if we would have known, we surely would have solved it
But we can’t, it’s too late

He’s skipping classes ’cause he hates them, hopes he passes, not to take them all again, I heard him say…
He escapes them with the pills, the ones he takes to make him feel like he’s okay, but he’s not okay

And we avoid the topics, we make the kids have secrets
And when they are exposed and everyone else knows
We’ll say we never knew it, that they had a problem
‘Cause if we would have known, we surely would have solved it
But we can’t, it’s too late

God, you’ve gotta save us, we hide behind the faces that we make to disguise
The things that were ashamed of and all the ugly things that make us close our eyes
They make us close our eyes,
why do we close our eyes?

We avoid the topics, we make the kids have secrets
When they are exposed and everyone else knows
We’ll say we never knew it, that they had a problem
‘Cause if we would have known, we surely would have solved it

This poses a few questions…

1. What are “the topics” anyway!?  I’m assuming its sexual promiscuity, drugs, cutting, alcoholism, orgies, pornography, abuse, beastiality, incest, etc.  What other ones am i missing?

2. Does your youth ministry avoid the topics? You know, the tough ones that make you feel uncomfortable to talk about with your kids.  

3. If you don’t avoid the topics, do you fly through them crossing your fingers that none of the kids raise their hand during altar call because if one does…

4. Do you know how to handle it if a youth admits to struggling with one of the topics?

I am going to be completely transparent right now and admit to my bloggers that I struggle with question number 4.  Why?  Because I know I don’t quite know how to handle if a youth tells me she is cutting or likes going to orgies or…God forbid, performs in beastiality. Seriously. It sounds crazy but how many youth might be in your youth ministry that struggle with one or more of “the topics” and we either avoid them or skirt around them in order to not have to admit not knowing how to handle them. 

On top of all this, how do we personally (as the leader) and we collectively (as the youth group/ministry) first create an atmosphere safe for exposure? When i was in youth ministry, i hardly felt comfortable admitting what I struggled with regardless of “the topic” being discussed during the night. I was afraid of judgement. How sad. Fear of being judged by your own brothers and sisters. So we create these masks to wear and pretend things are okay. 

What do you think? Do you have a story? Do tell, maybe it will help others (like me) figure out how to handle certain “topics”.

I know that I personally want to learn more about how to handle these kinds of situations and how to counsel those involved. If anyone has any resources i could look into, I would appreciate it. (:

Thanks.

keep smiling.be love

*Photo: “The Art of Pretending” by Nonnetta, Deviant Art.

“How many people do you know who aren’t a part of a church, company, or community because of the way they were treated?  They don’t want anything to do with God because of ‘all those religious hypocrites’.  People hurt people. Somebody wronged somebody else.  And they haven’t done the work to apologize and make amends and work through it.  Some people refuse to humble themselves and do the difficult work of learning how to forgive and reconcile.”

So that poses certain initial questions:

Given the fact that people who become hurt by someone’s actions end up causing hurt towards someone else because of those past actions - who then is the total blame?  The first who caused the initial hurt and never apologized for it?  The second who caused the next hurt due to the past hurt and never got over it?  Or both?   And do we give the second guy a little slack because they are only hurting others because they were hurt by someone else in the past so it’s not entirely their fault?

I made a design that says “hurt people hurt people“.  and it’s so true.

And we all have been hurt and we all have hurt others.  And we’ve all hurt others because we’ve been hurt.  deeply.

So how do you overcome this?  And how do you heal from hurt?  It takes some time, but when is it ‘too much time’ to the point where it’s just time to “get over it already”?  

Not everyone is going to forgive.  Certainly not everyone is going to “forget”.  Not everyone is going to say sorry.  And how do you at least do your part?

And we’re all human.  Sometimes we don’t even know that we hurt someone.  Sometimes we do know we hurt someone but we don’t want to apologize because “they deserved to be hurt because of what they did to me or what they did to them.”  Is that ever an exception?

And we know it’s not easy to be biblical and “turn the other cheek”, but is it even possible if we don’t know how to actually do that?  Jesus didn’t mean it in a literal sense, so how does it happen?

And is anything we do that hurts others justifiable?

What do you think?

“At one point, the woman asked why the world was so broken and why people have such difficulty getting along.  The question seemed to have come from years of reflection.  And it wasn’t just an intellectual issue, this was something that deeply troubled her soul. ‘Why is it so hard for us to get along?  Why do we have to fight with each other? Why do we have to hurt each other and sue each other and say horrible things about each other?’  As she was saying this, I realized that what she was saying was less a series of questions and more of a lament. A grieving.
We’re disconnected with each other and we know it.  It’s not how things are supposed to be.”
                 -Rob Bell “Sex God: ‘Chapter Two: Sexy On The Inside’.”